Monday, 3 August 2015

I'M NOT DEAD...SERIOUSLY, I'M NOT



I've missed all you crazy people that make me laugh :)
First of all, Lets do some news rounds.
Yo! Sykik is a mom y'all!!! We have born Boy!! I'm making myself godmom! *shakes ikebe*
SisiYemmie is now a mommy too with a mini-Bobo. Congratulations guys *muah*
Honeydame is backk!!!! Ok, not really but she posted after one year so that should count for something, right?
SingleNigerian showed his face briefly but he's back in hibernation too.
My friendship, Unveiling Gold is back too...uhm, well partially. At least she's reading and leaving comments. Baby steps people.
I still miss Beautiful and her gists *sigh*
Sting is now a Doctor!!! Whooooooot!!! We need to pop something, yes? Let me go and complain to her about this headache sef :D
Atilola, You're the real MVP. Constantly blogging ain't beans.

HD's culinary skills is something that is receiving scant attention. For those skills, I could marry her. From Edikaikong *stomach rumbles* to Ogbono *more rumbles* to fried rice and chicken in some kind of delicious sauce, back to egusi or to the random pot of jollof that I drive all the way from work to her house to obtain, fadaludd needs to epp me! Can you tell that I shamelessly like food? I'm don't even currrrr! I honestly don't know how people are not falling over themselves for this hotness and her skills. Oh wait, I think they are lool. There's absolutely no harm in falling harder is all I'm saying. The girl can throw down in the kitchen!!!

So I went to Port-harcourt for the first time with HD!!! Yass! I also ate bole and spicy fish *relishes the memory* I think I had white soup too. Plus there is this child that I fell in love with since she was born. Her smile makes everything alright. I've had her as my lap top wallpaper since forever. I finally met her. Baby girl is just cuteness all round. Oh wait, they're are actually two of them. Too cute. I met 9jasGreat too. You can head on over here to read a brief recap. Oh, and Single Nigerian almost got us straight passes to hell for almost slapping a church usher (which I would not have minded much really loool) but that's story for another day.

Lately, there's been a something about babies and I. I'm not even sure I understand it anymore. First, I hung out with HD one time and during our meal, there was drama with a couple and their twin babies seating close to us. The boy twin would take one look at me and start giggling. I mean, I'll remove my face but once he caught my eyes again, the boy would break out into this huge grin. Every darn time! #NoKidding. It was so freaky. A while back too, I went for a friend's birthday party and this little baby girl munchkin decided I was her playmate and proceeded to freak everyone out because apparently, she usually does not play with strangers. Sigh. God, is this a sign? I haven't met my Alhaji yet so I don't know how I'm bringing one of these into the world. #NoTwinZone

My hair people! My hair! Atoskin, I'm sorry but this has to be said. God has shown his glory. My hair is long yo! Long! As in, my hair that was re-christened chicken scratch scanty is now long! Miracles happen people! By the way, I finally met Atoskin too! Hi Atoskin and her hips. I see you both!

So on to my nails. Here is what they used to look like. 

Lovely and things but brethren, I can't even show you the "after" picture because it is disgraceful. I maintain that HD stole them. Don't tell me noth'n. Plus, I never used to bite my nails. I still don't but you'd never believe me with the way they look at the moment. I remember wishing/tweeting my hair would grow as fast as my nails did at some point last year. To now add salt to injury, I tried to henna my hair. I wore gloves as prescribed but my hair didn't even show any hint of colour but guess what got dyed? My darn nails, that's what. *breathe Toin breathe*Anyways, God is finally showing mercy. My nails are not there yet but they are definitely on their way.

I don't want to overload this post but I just needed to tell y'all I'm breathing and in one piece. I have to give the loudest sharaouts to Duru! This guy is the most annoying but adorable aburo ever. He legit checks in on me almost every week. He drops comments on here too. If you don't believe, just check how many comments in dropped in my last post. And that's excluding the ones he told me not to upload on here. Rhapsody has also been amazing. She legit checked up on me most after Duru. You're both amazeballs *muah* To everyone who checked up on me, I love you guys with my whole growing butt. Forever family, you all are. To my new readers, I see y'all and I'll be stalking soon.
Oh, and I'm going to reply all of your comments on my last post. All 64 of them *sniff* You guys are the bestest. I tried my best to read you guys but lets play catch-up. What have I missed?

P.S: Is anyone watching So You Think You Can Dance? I love that show!!! This season is definitely different with the stage vs street thing going on. There's something about dance that makes my blood sing. It's just so groovy.

Monday, 2 March 2015

LOVE FOUND ME!!!



Oh lord!

Hey lovelies. Happy New Month and Happy Monday :D. First things first: I miss Beautiful! :( 
I want to start this week off right so I decided to be a good girl and shake something. Shout out to Lily for giving me the versatile blogger award. Thanks girl. I've done some before here, here, here and here and you can check up more stuff about me here and here too. Oh wow! I've revealed a lot about me though #VeteranBlogger lol. I also got interviewed by the the lovely Sophie. Check it out here.

There's plenty gist but let's start with the weird shall we? I think I got myself a stalker. Listen, I promise it's not my fault. Honest. You remember Adam from this post, right? Go catch up if you haven't read that. Apparently, Adam and McCrazy should be twins (although McCrazy is older than me). Anyway, let me gist you how we got here. I went to see a movie with a friend and met this dude, I've named him McCrazy. He seemed harmless enough. I know never to judge a book by its cover, I swear I know that but he seemed cool. We had good conversation so we swapped numbers. Dude calls me the following day, we talked for a bit and I mention I was going to have an extremely busy weekend. Fast forward to the weekend and McCrazy leaves me several missed calls. I was mildly pissed. I mean, I legit mentioned I was going to be busy so if you wanna act cute, SMS and ask if I'm not too stressed or something. Anyway, I eventually pick his call and he goes "why are you not picking my calls?" Slowpokes.com leleyi. Ko fe gboran lero. Until you buy me a phone and pay my phone bills, please do not ask me why I am not picking your calls. After that episode, he chilled and continued calling, occasionally leaving me a few missed calls. Cute ba? Not really.
So this fateful Monday morning, while I was chasing sleep from my eyes, I saw guy calling but I ignored it. Laaro kutu kutu ojo aje (early Monday morning). After calling a few times, I sent him a message that it was a little too early. He didn't stop. McCrazy legit gave me 87 missed calls at 7:05 and 9 more. Someone do the calculation for me please. On a Monday morning; all before 8am!! I kid you not.


Dude is crazy #Simples. I eventually sent an SMS telling him to lose my number asap. Dude had the nerve to ask if I meant that day because I was busy but I replied with: No. Forever and ever. Now let me state categorically that this happened in less than 2weeks after I met him. So I have jejely put his number on silent so when he calls, my phone doesn't ring out. Dude is either retarded or persistent, both very creepy and scary. Thank God I didn't mention where I work *shudder* So now, he calls almost every day and sends messages too. I will continue to ignore his calls because I do not want to end up being locked up in a wardrobe with calabash on my head forever or till a Soka-like discovery is made. Yes, Africa Magic Yoruba has messed with me.

This is all John Legend's fault. Dude is still messing around with Christy Teigan #BeefAlert. I mean look:
#HaterAlert #SomeoneHasToTakeTheBlame #EverylyCrush Urrggg, they're so hot for each other, it's disgusting. She apparently is rocking my bae's world *rolls eyes* breathe Toin, breathe.

Where was I even?
En en, as I was saying, so advise this not-so-confused girl in 2 paragraphs or less what should be done. You better not say pick his calls before I pray for all your baes to turn out like him! Eezz nor a funny something. Seriously though, do you know any number blocking app? I use a BB10. In the meantime, how was Valentime? I know how Cherry's went though lool.

This post was supposed to end with the previous paragraph but he called me with a strange number and used God to beg so I won't drop the call. I listened and the first thing dude said was can I believe he was sick for almost a month when I stopped picking his calls lmao. kill me now! I said, naa, he must have had malaria parasites in his body way before he met me & dropped the call. Ema womi n'iran o

So yea, I got me a stalker. "Love" found me but I'm running from this one #FML

HD, Coy and Parols, please stay away from commenting, teinks. You too Single Nigerian *major side eyes at y'all*

P.S: All the spammers that leave weird random messages like in the picture below make me laugh. I do not want anyone man/woman running after me or tied to me forever. I mean really? A McCrazy for life??? Biko, Mba.

Kisses
I'll be back soon

Thursday, 19 February 2015

An Open Note To Toinlicious




I had another post in mind, a crazy one at that so stay tuned because it's all typed and ready for posting. In the meantime, there's this Chocoholiclady I want y'all to meet. She's mean. So mean. Ya'll remember this post where I complained about my weight, right? Well, she decided to reply me here. Let me just put this out there, listen, I don't enjoy people washing me and making my head swell *checks nose* I mean, no one likes or enjoys washing right? Right *side eyes* That would be totally vain and we all know I'm not er em vain *checks nose again to be sure I'm not going Pinocchio* so no, I didn't enjoy her wash. I mean, I did NOT smile while reading her open letter. I certainly was NOT grinning like a Cheshire cat and all while reading her intro to said post. I was totally NOT laughing my ass off at her descriptions and finally my insides were definitely NOT doing backflips and shii *hides grin*. I was just reading with a blank face O____O Now that we've gotten that outa the way, imma try that honesty mama taught me. She's amazeballs and warm and fuzzy and funny as hell. She started out with really cool nibbles and really went in #NoPunIntended hehehe 

Toin this is the response I promised.

So a while back I became more active on twitter and had the blessing (or so I thought at the time) of meeting a bubbly lady called toinlicious. Her blog is wonderful and I have enjoyed getting to know her through her blog. She is truly a bubbly piece sugar, spice and all things rainbowy and her posts, no matter how random have a way of putting a smile on your face (toin wipe that smile off your face, this post is not going to be complimentary -____- ). She is the kind of person I believe I would enjoy having as  a friend in real life not just on twitter or at least I thought so until THE EVENT.  Yes oh! I have an issue with the beloved toinlicious.

Here is how it went down. I was jejely on my own  oh when I saw a notification on my phone. Toin had tagged me in a tweet with a link to her blog. I was all excited and happy. The ode that I am I clicked on the link and went to read hoping for a shot of some toinlicious sunshine. The post started out great. I was there nodding and smiling  (side note: toin I am also waiting for the married peeps to answer that question oh. I am with you on the bbm sticker thing. After I have laboured for my salary, I will now throw it away on bbm stickers. Have all the words and emoticons in this world finished? hian) then I came upon this piece of blasphemy!

“So I got a UK size 6 dress and I’m sad because it fits. I thought I was a size 8 but apparently, the image of myself in my head is somewhat distorted. Help! I don’t want to disappear! I intend to do some damage this Xmas though. Size 12 coming soon (Please don’t rain on my parade, teinks)” – Toinlicious 2014

O_____O CAN YOU IMAGINE THAT ?!!! this young woman is sad and complaining because she fits in a size 6 dress. Do you know when last I fit in a size 6 dress?  To my eternal shame I am not sure iI have ever fit in one. Kai some people don’t know what they have. TOIN! you have the precious gift of “inability to be fat” and you are crying.  You are trying to gain weight and be double your current size????  Somebori help me, this world is finished. In fact I am just speechless.  Do I need to educate  this young woman on the massive disadvantages of this path she is treading? On behalf of all card carrying members of the chubilichubchub club I am insulted. Please feel free to throw your gift in my general direction. All I have to do is sniff a burger and I can feel my hips expand.  I enter cold stone and I feel 5 pounds attach themselves before I even place an order. Just one meat pie and gbam I have gained 6 kg. I am very vexed. In fact I am beefing you here. I am here trying, struggling and fighting to be a UK size 10  and this young woman is effortlessly a size 6. See the insult!!!!! Then to add salt to an open wound, she is throwing the gift back in the face of God!. Toin let me assure you, you will not disappear. Has Beyonce disappeared? Kate moss nko? Even Victoria Beckham has not disappeared (truly, at some point I thought she would). Please wash your eyes well and if need be get glasses and un distort that image you have of yourself sharply.

My dear people this is a classic case of “One man’s meat is another man’s poison” and yes Toin darling I haff rain on your parade. :P However, in spite of your misguided desire toin… I still think you are a rainbow in the sky that is blogville!
XOXO dearie!
Signed,
Chocoholic lady!

Lool see she's dope. Check out here blog. I enjoyed her 2014 lessons too. Really dope.
Mad gist up next.
Kisses

Update: I wore that dress yesterday and thankfully, the bust area is now very tight. Yassssss! *flees*

Wednesday, 4 February 2015

Bang Bang

Hi ya lovely people. Happy new month. I know I said I'd do better this year (in my head) and I'm working towards that. This is why I'm disvirging this blog this month. Half a cup of Coldstone is better than nothing, right? Right. I thought so too. I saw the above picture and it made so much sense so I decided to share. In fact, this post was just supposed to be that picture up there but somehow I could not stop typing so lets see for how long I can keep this going :D I've been feeling all kinds of grown up lately though.*plucks grey hair out* Duru biko, come lets swap ages I don't want your confused and woman wrapper mind though.

Before I forget, the sun has been maaaadddddd lately kilode


Dear Sun,
We are sorry. There is no contest or competition.
Lagos and Abuja girls are just delusional. You're still the hottest. There's absolutely no need to remind us.

Signed,
Concerned and Roasted Nigerian
Jessie J

So, I have a proper blogpost lined up. In fact, I have several. I just need to get my growing ass to focus and write properly which is going to be soon, I promise. In the meantime, there's this new artist that I've been listening to, Jessie J. She's hella dope and she can sing her butt off #NoKidding. She did a collaboration with Nicki Minaj and Ariana Grande in Bang Bang here:







God bless, nothing less, jiggy more *wink* If you don't know the song I got that from, it was apparently before your time you need to fix up:D

By the way, are there so many amazing new blogs or what! I can't wait to discover even more. I should do a review of the new ones I love.

In the meantime, check me out on Twitter: @Toinlicious and Instagram: @Toinlicious :D

I'll be back

*kisses*